- I can’t get a Christmas gift my wife likes. Last year, I gave her a hundred-dollar gift certificate. She exchanged it.
- Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
- Our local department store had two Santas — one for regular kids, and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.
- I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear I wouldn’t give her a fancy gift — and I didn’t!
- I had a great Christmas — I received a lot of gifts I can’t wait to exchange.
- My son has a big Christmas problem: What do you buy for a father who has everything and you’re using it?
- My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department, my wife said, “Let’s get your nephew a set of drums. That’s what your brother did to us last year!”
- There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.
- They’ve got plastic Christmas trees now. They’re hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
- I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
- My wife can’t figure out what to buy me. What do you get for a man who’s had everything up to here?
- I just bought a great gift for my boss: a leaky ant farm.
- I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Years Eve it flew away.
- I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, “It doesn’t do anything. It’s just a Christmas gift!”
- Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year, he deducted eight billion dollars for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list!
- I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas. But she won’t let me plug it in.
