- It’s not the job of being a cabbie that he likes; it’s the people he runs into.
- I went to a parachute-jumping class. The dropout rate was incredible!
- For every student with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
- It’s so easy to meet expenses these days. I meet them everywhere I look!
- Money doesn’t talk nowadays—it goes without saying.
- I hear that exercise kills germs. But how do you get the little buggers to exercise?
- A cocktail party is a gathering where sandwiches and friends are cut into little pieces.
- A friend in need—is a friend you’d better stay away from.
- He’s a model husband—but not a working model.
- When he said, “I do,” his mother-in-law said, “You’d better!”
- He’s got as much future as a cake of ice.
- Alimony: the high cost of leaving.
- She’s so lazy she puts popcorn in the pancakes so they’ll turn over by themselves.
- He’s the light of her life—she won’t let him go out.
- Adam had no mother-in-law; that’s why it was called Paradise.
- This lousy movie was not released—it escaped.
- He was a pantomime heckler: he made faces at the people on stage.
- She used to play the trombone when she was a kid; then she let it slide.
- I was so absent-minded, I played hookie on weekends.
- On Valentine’s Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
- I like to do things for my wife on Valentine’s Day. I open the door for her when she puts the laundry in the washing machine.
- She was named after Betsy Ross—but not long after.
- To err is human. To admit it, isn’t.
- Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
Categories
Humor
