Anna came to the United States around the turn of the century with her family when she was four years old. She was not old enough to be fearful of her new life away from Italy, but she knew things had changed. Children at school, and even teachers, laughed as she struggled to speak English. Eventually, she learned and found her way in life, marrying a first-generation young Italian. The experiences molded her character to being strict and serious.
The young couple settled down and had three children. Father had a good paying sales job and life was typical for the family. The children grew up, started families of their own and moved away, only coming back and engaging on a regular basis when the aging couple’s health began to fail. Or at least, I did.
When my father had a stroke and it became obvious that my mom, Anna, had dementia, my two older brothers relegated all responsibilities for decisions and care to me. They were devastated, and so was I, but I was forced to take the lead. I had a family of my own but I re-prioritized my life to address the issues of my aging parents.
Visits; skilled nursing; rehabilitation; adult day care facilities; caregiver support groups; Alzheimer’s education; modifying the house so Mom could live with us; coordinating 24/7 live-in care; and finding senior living—I experienced it all. I watched the dementia convert Mom’s austere personality from being tough and rigid to light-hearted and affectionate, even if she barely recognized me. Emotionally draining and physically fatiguing, it was one of the most difficult things that I’ve done in my life. It is also one of the greatest things that I’ve done in my life.
As I reflect, I have tremendous peace and satisfaction that I answered the call to love and care for my parents in their time of need. If you are a weary caregiver, I hope you find comfort in fulfilling your responsibility to care for those who so lovingly at one time cared for you.
Elissa Clausnitzer not only cared for her aging parents but also her mother-in-law. Her decades of experience as a real estate agent gave her the flexibility she needed to be with her family. Elissa specialized in helping boomers and seniors achieve their goals in their next step in life. She hopes that her reflections will help caregivers reflect the love shown to them by their needy loved ones.